Book Addiction

I am a book addict.

I own a lot of books. I mean, a lot. I have yet to make a full count, but probably a couple thousand. I have read... well, perhaps a decent minority of them. And yet, I still buy books constantly.

What kinds of books do I buy? Someone mentions an interesting novel, I buy it. I see a book on early modern history, culture, or literature, I buy it. I hear about an important philosophical or theoretical text, I buy it. I hear a lecture or read an article about an interesting new field or topic, I go out and buy one or more of the foundational texts in it. I find a better edition or a critical edition of a book I already own, I buy it (and sell the old one). I see a book and sense that somehow, in some way, at some point in the future, I may want to read or be interested in, I buy it. I am depressed or bored, I go to the bookstore and buy books. I have some extra cash on hand, I buy some books. I get a bonus or a scholarship, I buy some books. I see a class that looks interesting, I get the syllabus and buy the books on it. In other words: I buy a lot of books.

Now, just to clear up any misconceptions, I am not rich. I buy most of my books at used bookstores or through the used book sellers on Amazon. I also trade in a lot of old books, DVDs, and CDs that I no longer want for credit at used bookstores -- somehow, I always seem to have a bunch of crap that I no longer want, no matter how much of it I manage to get rid of. I also use my position as a college instructor to get free (or heavily discounted) books from academic publishers, although I try not to abuse this privilege, since I don't want to put any more strain on companies that are already suffering, especially since I'll need them one day to publish my own book (hopefully). But despite this, I still spend a good chunk of change on books.

When I was younger, my consumer good of choice was the Compact Disc. I've been a big music lover for years, so I was constantly spending my extra cash (or my grocery money) on new CDs. My collection is still pretty sizeable:somewhere around 1200-1400 cds, not counting albums that I've burned or downloaded, which adds another 500 or so. I still buy CDs (because I am old-fashioned and don't like to listen to music on iPods), but not nearly as many as I used to. Then for a while it was DVDs, but my collection at its height was probably only around 150. Lately I've been getting rid of a lot of them, partially because I realized that I couldn't foresee wanting to watch a lot of these movies that often, and partially because I got a PS3/Blu-Ray player. So, now I'm only picking up things that I think are truly great and that I will probably want to watch again; I'm still buying DVDs (or, BRDs or whatever the proper acronym is), but in much much smaller numbers and with much greater care.

But books I still buy like nobody's business. Why? Well, partly because I want to be really, really smart. I want to master the content in all of these books, put it together, and spit out my master theory of the universe. Also, as a (teenage) academic, I want to build up my professional library -- I like the idea of owning just about any major text that I could possibly want to refer to. And, I think, part of it is just my materialism. I live in a consumer capitalist culture. It has engendered in me a certain pack rat/collector-completist mentality. When I was a child, I wanted every He-Man toy, then every Transformers toy, then every GI Joe toy. Now, I want every major text on Shakespeare, everything written by Foucault, every book on Lacanian theory, and all the major texts of feminist theory and history. Because I really am interested, yes, but also because I look at my books and I feel complete. They tell me something about myself: that I'm smart (or, at least, trying to get smart), that I have a good eye, that I know what are the important texts that humans have produced, and, perhaps most of all, that one day I will be up there with those books, staring out from the inside flap of a hardcover book from a major academic press.

Of course, there are some major downsides to this. I have blown a lot of money on books that I may never, ever, ever read. I have developed a routine: when I'm bummed out about life, I go online or go to the nearest used bookstore and buy some stuff. I don't even want to think about what it is going to be like when I move. But worst is the feeling of impending doom, the feeling that these books are staring at me and laughing at my pretension for owning them without reading them. Will I one day be uncovered as a big old fraud because I haven't even read the back cover of my copy of Gramsci's Prison Notebooks? If I actually read my growing collection of Deleuze and Guattari, would I even understand it?

But, I try not to look at it that way. I try to see the books as the past made future. These are the things that have made me and my world; reading and absorbing them will make the rest of my life. I don't know if I'll get to all of them, or even most of them, before I die. If I stopped buying new books right now and spent the rest of my time just reading what I've got, I would probably be hard-pressed to finish them all. But, the challenge is the thing. And really, should I feel so bad about being a book collector (although not a collector of rare or valuable books, unfortunately)? We all have our hobbies; this one is pretty good, right? And, should I ever have someone to leave my things to, well, they'll get quite an intellectual inheritance from my library.

So, I will try to control my addiction, but I will also embrace it and use it for the best. Collect important books; be honest with yourself -- will you ever read this? If not, pass it by, or, if you already have it, sell it or give it away. Watch your budget, but don't feel guilty about spending money on something that you really want. After all, money isn't any good in and of itself, and the guilt just makes you feel bad, which means you gotta buy something to get yourself out of the dumps. So buy books, sure, but don't get crazy with it. Just admit it:

I am a book addict.